Most of us do not walk around feeling angry  just to be angry for no reason. Most of the time something happens in our day that causes us to have an emotion and if we don’t take care of that emotion or put some meaning on the emotion, it can turn to anger very quickly.  Secondary emotion. So what can we do about having run away emotions, thoughts or anger?

If you feel as though you are having anger for no reason it is time to start paying attention to your feelings, thoughts and emotions. Tune in to yourself and monitor your feelings and thoughts. Journal. Write down your thoughts. When you sense some discomfort because of a feeling, try to trace it back to where it started and put some meaning on it. It is easier to trace if you have a journal to refer back to.

For example: You wake up on Monday morning and start the normal routine to get ready for work. You start to think about how nice the weekend was and how much you really hate your job. You also start to think about your lazy co-worker who seems to pile all of his work on your desk. Then your thoughts turn toward how you are not where you want to be in life yet and you should be further ahead by this age. You should be running the company instead of your boss! You then sit down and get interested in an article in the newspaper and before you realize it you are now running 15 minutes late for work. You rush to the car without your lunch or your paperwork for the day and start racing to work. You find yourself in a traffic jam and now you realize you are going to be really late. You get to work over an hour late and sitting on your desk is a pile of work that should have been done by your co-worker yesterday, but today he has called off sick. You hit tilt and start throwing things and every time someone comes up to you that day becomes an irritant to you. You are nasty and short with your co-workers and they decide to stay far away from you today. You are just boiing over with anger and contempt for your co-worker. Are you really angry? Did you wake up angry? Are you an angry person? Let’s trace this back.

Take out a piece of paper and let’s write down some thoughts and feelings: it is Monday (a hard day to get back into the grind for most), weekend fun is over, hate my job, lazy co-workers, too much work, should be further ahead in my life. Those are negative thoughts that are forming. If you were paying attention you might talk to yourself at this point to calm down the negative thoughts: I don’t like my work, but I have a job and in this economy that is a lucky break. My co-worker is lazy, but basically he is a good guy. I will do my work and if I feel like he is taking advantage I plan to confront him and let him know how I feel. I might not be exactly where I thought I would be right now, but I am working on my goals. I have a roof over my head and I am making ends meet. I will continue to strive for my goals. This really isn’t so bad. This type of thinking is called rationalizing your thoughts and keeping yourself in the truth and the facts. You are not allowing yourself to advance into the secondary emotion of anger.

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